| "The only difference between a rut and a grave are | | | | Arguing and bickering just for something to doWhat |
| the dimensions."Q: My wife and I are both on our | | | | Not To DoWe all try to solve the problem of |
| second marriage. We feel like we are both losing | | | | relationship ruts in our own way. Here are some |
| some of our excitement and love for each other, just | | | | solutions that I've seen couples try that are worth |
| like is our first marriages. We feel like we are stuck in | | | | avoiding;- Keep doing the same things over and over |
| a rut. What can we do to get out of this rut?A: You've | | | | and expect different results- Blame your partner or |
| not only asked an excellent question, it's even been | | | | accuse them of being boring- Convince yourself that |
| asked in song.In "Make Love Stay" Dan Fogelberg | | | | life would be much more fun with someone else- |
| asks,"Now that we've loved, | | | | Make major changes just for the sake of change. For |
| Now that the lonely nights are over | | | | example, move (just a geographical cure) or have a |
| How do we make love stay?"New relationshipsNew | | | | child.What To DoHaving said all that, here are a few |
| relationships are exciting. The thrill of falling in love and | | | | suggestions for breaking out of relationship ruts;- Begin |
| discovering new things about each other is simply a lot | | | | by remembering what is was that first attracted you |
| of fun.After the honeymoon stage of a relationship has | | | | to this person in the first place. You may have |
| passed, we move into the "making it work" stage of | | | | forgotten some things and may be surprised by what |
| the relationship. Sometimes the making it work stage is | | | | you remember- Do something "safely out of |
| just not as much fun as the honeymoon stage. This is | | | | character." In the song "Dirt Gets Under The |
| where the work part of making it work comes in.One | | | | Fingernails" by Harry Chapin, the prim, proper and neat |
| of the dangers of the making it work stage is to fall | | | | wife goes out and buys art supplies and makes a |
| into what I call relationship ruts. A relationship rut is | | | | mess while the always dirty mechanic husband gets a |
| when as a couple you begin to feel as if you are | | | | shave, hair cut, manicure and new clothes. Surprise |
| stuck, sort of going through the motions and not getting | | | | each other.- Do some of the things you may have |
| anywhere.This is the point that some relationships die, | | | | enjoyed as a child: buy a coloring book, some play |
| because the only difference between a rut and a | | | | dough, put on some roller skates, etc.- Use your |
| grave are the dimensions.Let's take a look at some of | | | | creativity! One way to do this would be to brainstorm |
| the signs of relationship ruts and what not to do, and | | | | all the crazy, absurd, and ridiculous ideas you can think |
| then what to do to get out of the rut and keep the | | | | of, that you would never do. Then go back over your |
| spark alive.Signs of Relationship RutsOne sure sign | | | | list and see if there are the seeds for some useful |
| and conclusive evidence of a relationship rut is if the | | | | creative solutions.- Make a list of all the things you like |
| following conversation sounds familiar -"What do want | | | | to do for fun. Then pick one you that you may not |
| to do tonight?" | | | | have in a very long time.As the songwriter says, |
| "I don't know, whatever you want to do." | | | | making love stay can be one of the more difficult |
| "I don't know what I want to do, whatever you want | | | | tasks in relationships. Avoiding and/or getting out of |
| to do is fine." | | | | relationships ruts can go a long way to keeping the |
| "Where do you want to eat?" | | | | spark alive.For f'ree weekly tips and tools for growing |
| "I don't know, where do you want to eat?" | | | | your relationship and keeping it strong, subscribe to |
| ETC - ETC - ETC - yuck!Other signs of relationship | | | | Jeff Herring's online newsletter "Great Relationships |
| ruts include;- Doing the same thing over over again and | | | | Tips of the Week" at AND receive a special report on |
| it not being enjoyable- Having the same conversation | | | | "10 Things to Consider Before Your Next Relationship |
| over and over again- Having that strange sense of | | | | Argument. |
| "relationship deja vu" - we've been here before.- | | | | |