| Rick Hoogendoorn | | | | Can I interject here, Zig. |
| The Year is 2168 | | | | Uh, sure Gus. |
| | | | If it wasn't for Boone and his organization, we might |
| The Channel: 51,479 on your in-brain t.v. chip | | | | not have Ice Hockey today. |
| Your on site personal newshost is: Zig Zaggner | | | | We don't have Ice Hockey today, Gus. Global warming |
| Hello again, everybody, and welcome to the negotiating | | | | has made that sport impossible. |
| table, I'm the straight-shooting Zig Zaggner, telling it like it | | | | Ya, but if we could have ice. |
| is...direct to your cranium. | | | | We can't Gus. Get a grip. |
| Today, we're talking hot dogs. Weiner Corp | | | | Look, I haven't had a hot dog since 7:18 this morning, so |
| International has finally consented to re-opening | | | | I'm a little edgy, okay? It's not like the public has much |
| negotiations with the Union of Processed Meat | | | | choice in what they eat anymore. Without hot dogs, I'm |
| Employees after 12 hours of stalled talks, and credit | | | | having to eat, well, you don't want to know! |
| for all this is being given to one Gus Simpson. | | | | Our viewers want to know! |
| Gus, what's your part in all this? | | | | Well, Some Processed Alternative Meat. |
| I, uh, like hot dogs, Zig. | | | | Ugh! Ooopsy, it looks like we have some activity here. |
| And? | | | | The parties are being ushered back into the negotiating |
| And, well, that's it. I really miss having my hot dogs. | | | | room and, of course, you'll be right there with us. The |
| So what did you do to get the parties back to the | | | | President of Weiner Corp and the head of UPME are |
| negotiating table? | | | | about to address the group together. Let's listen. |
| I, uh, yelled and screamed and stomped my foot. | | | | (Cough!) Ladies and gentlemen, I think I can speak on |
| I see. And now you're right in here as part of the | | | | behalf of Weiner Corp and the Union of Processed |
| negotiations too. | | | | Meat Employees when I say "What were we |
| That's right, Zig. You see, as a member of the hot dog | | | | thinking?" Here I was looking out for the interests of |
| eating public, I am a STAKE HOLDER in this process. | | | | Weiner shareholders and completing overlooking the |
| Those are MY hot dogs they are NOT producing. I am | | | | needs of Weiner eaters. |
| ENTITLED to those hot dogs. These people do not | | | | And I was looking out for the needs of the UPME |
| have the right to keep me from my processed meat! | | | | membership and missing the big picture too. The |
| Surely, not. We should also mention to the folks at | | | | Weiner eaters. |
| home, and listening up there on the moon, that there is | | | | Together we beg the forgiveness of Gus Simpson |
| a long, illustrious history of consumers injecting | | | | and every other Processed Meat Consumer. Weiner |
| themselves into the middle of labour negotiations. It | | | | employees have agreed to take a massive pay cut |
| dates back to the late, great Jim Boone, whose | | | | and Weiner Corp has agreed to, um, revise our |
| Ottawa-based NHL Fans Association first claimed the | | | | budgets accordingly so y'all can eat wieners again. |
| right to sit at a negotiating table. | | | | And finally, our creative department has come up with |
| I am proud to call myself a Booner, Zig. | | | | a new slogan for Weiner Corp International. So here's |
| Quite. With 25,000 members, Boone managed to get a | | | | the head of that department, Sandy Beech. |
| seat at the negotiating table back in the year 2005 | | | | Thank you, sir. The new slogan for Weiner Corp |
| when the owners of a sport called Ice Hockey, had | | | | International is: Weiners aren't a luxury, they're a right. |
| trouble with the athletes called Ice Hockey Players. | | | | So get stuffed with your Rights! |