| It is well after midnight and I am just starting to write | | | | found this particularly convenient when it was diaper |
| this article. I have attended a Valentine's party at my | | | | time. The moment you pull the diaper off, the business |
| son's preschool, had two meetings at clients' offices, | | | | line WILL ring. |
| lost a large contract that we had bid, played toddler | | | | I found that a routine was easy to establish and |
| street hockey, closed a deal by phone with another | | | | maintain my child. I imagine it requires more patience |
| client on the other side of the country, cooked dinner | | | | and creativity with multiple children. (In my case, |
| and watched the winter Olympics as a family, | | | | another birth right now and I would have to back out |
| attempted an internet conference, and now, in less | | | | of my business responsibilities.) My son was small |
| than five hours my son will be waking up ready for a | | | | when my business was small. They have both grown |
| new day. Being a work-at-home dad is the hardest | | | | at the same pace and after three years, my increased |
| thing I have ever tried to do. | | | | time on the phone is not an issue with my son |
| When you work at home you are, in effect, taking on | | | | because he can spend some time alone playing. |
| a second job. Your family, the same family you | | | | Another thing I did to help my particular situation was to |
| decided to stay home and raise, the family that counts | | | | include work space in family space. I did not make my |
| on you to be there, is your number one job. Anything | | | | office a separate room in the house. I purchased a |
| else is secondary. Sometimes you have to remind | | | | professional style cubical and placed it in one side of |
| yourself of that. I want to give you a glimpse into what | | | | the family room. That is where my son spends his |
| it takes to balance work and family, all under the same | | | | inside time. The desk is against a wall of windows that |
| roof. I am an extreme case. I take care of my son | | | | overlook our fenced back yard. I have structured the |
| full-time and run a small company full-time. The | | | | back yard so that is has always been as child friendly |
| extreme nature of my situation helps to flush out the | | | | as possible and there is no way for him to get out. So, |
| real issues. I hope my experience can help you can | | | | inside or out, I can keep an eye on him even if I am |
| make an informed decision about working at home. | | | | working at my desk or on a call. |
| First, establish your goals. This is not about your | | | | I have two routines, one for the two preschool days |
| business plan. This is about why you want to work at | | | | and the other for the two non-preschool days. My |
| home in the first place. Do you need the money? Do | | | | wife is home on Fridays, so I am off home daddy duty |
| you want to stay connected with your career skills? | | | | that day. Preschool is nothing more than a four-hour |
| Do you feel like less of a person because you are not | | | | Parent's Day Out program offered by a local |
| contributing to the family income? Economics is hard to | | | | Methodist church. (It used to be call Mom's Day Out; |
| argue with, but your self-concept has less to do with | | | | they changed it to Parent's Day Out the next year |
| the needs of your family and more about your | | | | without prompting. Times, they are a-changin'.) |
| emotional needs. | | | | My wife leaves for work at 7:30 AM. I drag out of bed |
| After you decide why you want to work at home, you | | | | a mere 15-20 minutes before she leaves so I can get |
| must decide what you gain and what you will lose. | | | | a shower and an update on anything my son may |
| Being a work-at-home dad (WAHD) is a real juggling | | | | have eaten for breakfast. If it is a school day, we are |
| act, literally. I have been able to establish a pretty good | | | | out of the house by 8:30 and I pick him up at 12:45. I |
| routine since I only have one child. My company was | | | | use those four hours for meetings with clients, |
| young when he was young so I was able to be more | | | | business errands, and networking. We get home from |
| flexible. Now that my company is placing more | | | | school and he goes down for his nap around 1:30. For |
| demands on my time I have to be careful to keep my | | | | the next three hours, I can work on the computer, |
| self-defined priorities in place. | | | | make or return business calls from when I was out. If |
| You lose control of time when you work at home. | | | | you notice that gives me about seven hours of work |
| Every parent knows that their child has a schedule, a | | | | time. That is a routine, time I can count on. When my |
| routine that has been developed over time. Starting a | | | | son wakes up around 4:30, the family time kicks in. |
| new business will initially disrupt that rhythm. Eventually | | | | When his mommy takes him up to bed, I am back "on |
| you and your kids will adapt to the new routine but you | | | | the clock" until about midnight. (Notice my wife and I |
| have to remember that your kids are job number one. | | | | have very little time to communicate with each other) |
| When push comes to shove, you will find yourself | | | | On the non-preschool days, my mornings are a |
| working late into the night and during the weekend | | | | mixture of being with my son and taking phone calls. |
| when your spouse is home and can help with the | | | | Sometimes he goes with me to the office supply store |
| childcare. No matter what time you go to bed after a | | | | or the post office. One day a week I meet with a |
| long night, you are up when the kids get up. This is only | | | | mommy friend and her son at the local fast-food ball |
| an inconvenience when it happens occasionally, but | | | | pit. The boys get some time together and I get a little |
| over a long period of time, the effects are more | | | | non-work adult talk. I have never been able to hook up |
| long-lasting. | | | | with another SAHD in my area, so I have connected |
| Lack of sleep or irregular sleep patterns can effect | | | | with a few mommies in the neighborhood. The kids are |
| your physical and mental health. The fact that you stay | | | | the common ground and we have built some very |
| up late with unfinished work, or work on weekends | | | | strong relationships. Once again, I feel very fortunate. |
| has an impact on the time you get to spend with your | | | | After lunch and the ball pit, it is off for that wonderful |
| spouse. Those quiet moments without the kids that are | | | | nap again. Beginning with the nap the rest of the day's |
| so precious once you become a parent. Then there is | | | | routine is the same. |
| the loss of personal time. Face it, we don't get very | | | | This all works out very well and look great on paper, |
| much personal time as it is. When you work at home, | | | | but real life is never so perfect. Many times I have a |
| your personal time is the first thing to go. | | | | deadline that forces me to work longer hours. The only |
| You hope to gain monetary reward for your efforts to | | | | hours available are those like right now-- after midnight. |
| work at home. This would seem obvious, but for those | | | | It does not matter what time you go to bed, your child |
| who are considering starting their own business, the | | | | still wakes up at the same time. So working at home |
| money is not always there in the beginning. I am not | | | | has had a serious impact on my sleep schedule. And |
| going to go into the detail of what to expect when | | | | as I inferred earlier, I don't get to spend much time with |
| starting a business. There are others with far more | | | | my wife, either. She is in bed much earlier than I, since I |
| experience in that field. I will encourage you to evaluate | | | | stay up working. Even during waking hours, we barely |
| your realistic expectations of what income you will | | | | get to have a moment alone to simply talk. Many times |
| receive based on the effort you will have to invest as | | | | conversations wait until the weekends. In our case, we |
| a WAHD. | | | | have been married over 15 years and have a very |
| There is a definite feeling of being productive when | | | | good ability to communicate with one another. It is not |
| you start generating income from the home, but don't | | | | always fun, but we are happy to make the sacrifice |
| let this cloud the fact that this is more of an emotional | | | | for a cause that is so important to both of us: |
| issue. As a SAHD, you are doing one of the most | | | | Someone home with our son. |
| important jobs you can ever do. It is our society that | | | | When your work and your family are under the same |
| defines a person's value based on monetary gain. That | | | | roof, you have to make a concerted effort to |
| said, it still feels good. So, I'm weak. Another benefit | | | | separate work from the home, even though both are |
| that working imparts is contact with adults who are not | | | | in your house. If you can't separate, you will never |
| talking about children or running to wipe a nose. Adult | | | | leave work. For your own sanity and the sanity of |
| conversation seems like such a simple thing, but you | | | | those around you, it is nice to establish some |
| don't miss it until you are without it. | | | | boundaries. Some ways to help you with this are to |
| Your children lose having 100% of your attention. You | | | | set up a special place to work, a separate room or |
| can work out a solution, however, especially if your | | | | office location in your house. I would recommend a |
| kids still take naps or are old enough to entertain | | | | separate phone line so you don't have to take |
| themselves for prolonged periods. This is where | | | | business calls after hours. You can also set up certain |
| establishing a routine will help. My son takes a three | | | | days or times for working, very much a part of |
| hour nap in the afternoon. (Yes, I realize how lucky I | | | | establishing a routine. |
| am!) This is time I can spend working or talking with | | | | Another issue is zoning. You may want to discreetly |
| clients on the phone. During nap time, my work has little | | | | check to see if what you are planning to do and how |
| impact on time with my son. When he wakes from his | | | | you are planning to do it is in conflict with your area |
| nap, I make a point to quit work and make the next | | | | zoning regulations. Many times you can operate a |
| four hours family time. He and I play until we start | | | | home office anywhere, as long as you don't have a |
| dinner. Mommy comes home, they play, we eat, they | | | | line of clients visiting your house or hang a sign out |
| play a little more, she bathes him, we watch a little TV, | | | | front. It is best to check, especially before you invest |
| then at 8:00, she takes him up for the bedtime routine. | | | | any money. |
| Then I go back to work until about midnight. For me, I | | | | Networking can be difficult for the WAHD. I found that |
| found a workable balance with naps and scheduling. I | | | | my son in a stroller was a real door opener. |
| wonder if this would have worked so well with | | | | Receptionists are happy when I walk in, are enamored |
| another, younger child or if my son did not take such | | | | with the idea that I say at home, and allow me to |
| grand naps. My routine may sound hectic but, to me, it | | | | march in to see the person I want to see, even though |
| would be far worse to work outside of the home and | | | | they might have filtered me out had I not had a "cute |
| never get to see my child until just before bedtime. | | | | baby" with me. One time while standing in line at a local |
| Besides the absolute fact that they always have a | | | | convenience store I struck up a casual conversation, I |
| full-time parent at home, your children get to see their | | | | said I was a SAHD and had my own company. That |
| daddy do a job, other than the job of being daddy. I | | | | always leads to the inevitable... "Your own company! |
| feel very good about my son growing up in what is | | | | What do you do?" What a great time to yank out a |
| essentially a cottage industry. Modern communications | | | | business card. And they even asked for it. Being a |
| technology and computers have afforded my business | | | | WAHD is still a new concept for many, it is a great |
| partner and me the opportunity to return to the home | | | | topic to work into conversations. You never know |
| to raise our children and still work. There are other | | | | where those conversations may lead! |
| businesses that don't require the same technology, but | | | | Before you dive into the role of working at home, you |
| I find it certainly helps. | | | | need to evaluate why you want to do it. You need to |
| The key to success as a WAHD is a routine. There is | | | | discuss your ideas with your family because the |
| not much you can count on with children other than | | | | decision will impact them as much as it impacts you, |
| their love. They do adapt well to and generally enjoy a | | | | since you are there for them. Evaluate your family and |
| steady routine. The younger the child, the easier to | | | | whether the business you want to do will be a good fit |
| build a routine around both work and family. I have | | | | for your family's situation. If you are considering |
| found that the routine actually finds itself. If you relax | | | | working at home and taking care of the family/house |
| and don't force it, you will see a pattern of events that | | | | at the same time, remember these two things: 1) It is |
| you can work your business around. My son's nap | | | | like working two full-time jobs for 1/2 the money; and, |
| schedule is a good example of this. Your routine should | | | | 2) There are only 24 hours in a day, whether that is |
| be adaptable. For example, if you know that your kids | | | | enough or not. Good night. |
| go ballistic when you get on the phone, don't answer | | | | Originally written in 1998. Jay became a stay-at-home |
| the phone when they are an active part of your | | | | dad with the birth of his son in August 1994, opening |
| moment. Use an answering machine or voicemail. I got | | | | for business two months later thus becoming a |
| a bit more creative and have my voicemail dial my | | | | work-at-home-dad. |
| pager so I will know if someone left a message. I | | | | |