| Hockey moms are tough. We sit in bitter cold arenas | | | | on their ancestry is annoying, rude, and teaches our |
| watching opposing teams try to damage our children. | | | | kids the wrong things. Kindly remember that there are |
| We invest in cars the size of Canada to lug equipment | | | | siblings in the stands. |
| bigger than the child from rink to rink. We endure | | | | 9. Cheering for your team is good. Booing the |
| frostbite and penalty calls equally. Mostly, we say a | | | | opponents is bad. Cow bells are fine. Fog horns should |
| silent prayer of thanks each time the child comes off | | | | earn you a one-way ticket to the penalty box (these |
| the ice with most important bodily parts intact. | | | | are not professional size arenas, folks!). |
| Here are my Top Ten Tips for Surviving Hockey | | | | 10. The most difficult position in hockey is |
| Season as the parent of a player. With a special | | | | MotherOfTheGoalie and she might be sitting near you. |
| bonus Top Ten Hints for Surviving as a Player. | | | | Try to remember that if the puck gets to the net, |
| For Parents | | | | someone else on the team either didn't do their job or |
| 1. Wear the same kinds of outfits as the guys who | | | | got beaten. Phrases like, "Oh, come ON, you gotta get |
| climb Kilimanjaro. Then bring a blankets (preferably one | | | | those!" are neither useful nor informative. Guaranteed |
| to sit on and one to cover your legs). Don't forget the | | | | the goalie did not let the puck in on purpose. |
| little chemical packets that warm up when you smack | | | | Reminders For players |
| them. | | | | 1. Looking at the latest in NHL level equipment is not a |
| 2. Invest in an industrial size bottle of Fabreeze. Better | | | | substitute for getting your homework done. |
| yet, make it a case. I thought soccer bags got a little | | | | 2. The front hallway is not an acceptable storage area |
| ripe, but soccer bags have nothing on stinky boy | | | | for hockey equipment. And stacking your equipment |
| hockey stuff. | | | | neatly so that it conveniently blocks the front door is |
| 3. Find a portable hobby. What with the kid having to | | | | not helpful. |
| be there over an hour before the game starts and | | | | 3. I bought you a case of Fabreeze. Please use at |
| then the showering and packing up after the game, | | | | least some of it. |
| there is a fair amount of wait time. Do your waiting in | | | | 4. Watching an NHL hockey game on tv is not-under |
| the area outside the rink where it will only be very chilly | | | | any circumstances-"studying." |
| rather than stupid cold. Bringing something to entertain | | | | 5. Your sister has gone to all of your hockey games. |
| yourself (and any small children you may have brought | | | | Yes, you have to go to her dance recital. |
| with you) goes a long way toward making the time | | | | 6. I don't care how big you are or how effective you |
| more enjoyable. | | | | are on the ice rink. I'm still your mother, and I make the |
| 4. Hockey has often been defined as a fight in which | | | | rules. |
| an occasional game breaks out. Fortunately, it is not | | | | 7. Hockey pucks do not belong in the house. Especially |
| nearly as vicious in High School-except in the stands. | | | | when there is a hockey stick in your hand. No amount |
| Seriously? These are kids. Back off and enjoy the | | | | of "I promise I won't hit anything!" changes this rule. Just |
| game. | | | | as no amount of "I didn't mean to" will repair Great |
| 5. If you haven't already learned it, figure out the best | | | | Aunt Sophie's vase. |
| way to get from your rink to the Emergency room. Be | | | | 8. "I have to re-tape my stick" is not a reasonable |
| nice to the doctors, as over the next few years you | | | | excuse for not doing school work. Nor is it a reason |
| are likely to be there more than once. (Corollary: If you | | | | for us to invest in enough tape to mummify the entire |
| are there so often they know you by name, you might | | | | western hemisphere. Sorry, extra tape is on your own |
| consider encouraging the kid to switch to a nice safe | | | | dime. |
| sport, like boxing.) | | | | 9. We are only half-way though the season and so far |
| 6. Hockey rink food is pretty bad. And generally all you | | | | this sport has cost us the equivalent of the national |
| can say for the coffee is that it is more or less hot. | | | | debt of a medium-sized nation. Try to act grateful |
| Plan accordingly. | | | | occasionally. Or at least not sullen. |
| 7. Many High School hockey teams have a variety of | | | | 10. The floor, the chair, the banister, inside your hockey |
| players. Don't say "But you're a GIRL!" when you meet | | | | bag-NONE of these are considered appropriate places |
| Chris the Goalie. | | | | for your wet towel. |
| 8. Turns out, much to my surprise, that referees are | | | | Hockey is a great (albeit chilly) sport. Let's enjoy the |
| human too. They make mistakes. Shouldn't happen, but | | | | season, OK? |
| it does. Disparaging their eyesight or casting aspersions | | | | |