| Projects and Inventions, oh no! Run! | | | | stimulates an autoresponse of cold sweats, increased |
| OK. I admit it. I am a "Projectaphobia." Whew! There! I | | | | pulse and dizziness. |
| said it. I'm sure I'll be revisiting the nightmares form the | | | | As I ponder my situation I remember a friend of mine |
| next week. I'm hyperventilating thinking about it. | | | | once told me a very funny story about her teenage |
| My story is not pretty. It was a dark and stormy | | | | sons who decided to see if they could light dust |
| night...not really. The truth is, my boys are adamant at | | | | bunnies on fire. They would gather them much to her |
| becoming scientists and inventors. They have been like | | | | house cleaning dismay, spray them with hair spray, and |
| this as far back as I can remember. We have more | | | | then roll over them with roller skates to ignite them. |
| than our share of projects and inventions as a family. | | | | The experiments stopped when they caught the |
| Every project, including the series of adhesive | | | | house on fire. |
| experiments that wound up with the dog duct taped to | | | | Ah, I anticipate the teenage years with great fervor. I |
| the floor, has a story. | | | | daily discuss with my sons the value in aspiring to be |
| In my role in the family, I always seem to discover the | | | | musicians or writers or theorectical physicists. |
| boys' investigative intentions far too late. We have | | | | When it comes to my husband helping out, my stories |
| evolved into a pattern where in every project, I am the | | | | are just as frightening. |
| last to know the plan. This does not mean the original | | | | He is not a "project" kind of guy. He is the evil emperor |
| project plan but the one my husband and boys | | | | that seeds ideas of discontent and revolution in the |
| somehow secretly devised on their own. Typically | | | | minds of young men. He enjoins both boys to be |
| these plans deviate substantially from what I | | | | independent thinkers then buys the supplies and |
| remember as our agreed upon plan and project | | | | disappears when the science projects begin. |
| approach. | | | | There was the 1500 piece Lego starship he thought |
| Ah, I still remember where I was and what I was doing | | | | would be a good three dimensional mental problem |
| the second I heard, "Mom! We need help getting the | | | | solving exercise for our oldest son. While it did turn out |
| dog off the floor!" | | | | to be true, it was my knees that had the arthritis flare |
| It was a crisp, clear autumn morning. The plan was a | | | | ups for three months while sitting at the card table |
| simple experiment in making glue which I carefully | | | | afternoon after afternoon. |
| downloaded and printed from the Web. We talked it | | | | It was he that secretly planned the project on static |
| out and planned our project approach for the | | | | electricity. When I discovered the true title was |
| afternoon. While I cleaned up after lunch it | | | | "Swinging Cereal" I quickly added up two plus two and |
| surreptitiously evolved between the boys into making | | | | realized the Rice Crispies on the ceiling fan were in no |
| stickier tape. As I loaded the drier it crossed over into | | | | way a breakfast accident. |
| to seeing how many one inch strips of scotch tape in | | | | As my Geraniums in the yard began too look a bit |
| quarter inch segments could stop an ant. I still have the | | | | ragged, I realized too late it was he that evilly planned |
| bar charts and graph results from these efforts; they | | | | the botany project. I found the wadded up, printed |
| do track their results very well. | | | | instructions with the terrifying heading of "Plant |
| By the time I scrubbed the bathroom the dog was | | | | Fragmentation" in the garbage. Thirty eight jars of |
| duct taped to the tile floor and her long hair forever | | | | roots later yielded inconsistent results apparently but I |
| tangled in the mess. I have to admit the boys did a | | | | stepped in and halted the work in hopes of saving a |
| splendid and thorough job as poor Sally was | | | | few plants in the yard. |
| hopelessly stuck to the floor blinking the saddest eyes I | | | | I use to turn to my friends and support network but |
| ever saw. We ended up having to shave her to free | | | | they are of little help. Most of them are in the same |
| her from the sticky prison. She hid for weeks until her | | | | position. We commiserate with stories on the phone |
| fur grew back. | | | | and emails. Compadres. |
| Perhaps it was our last space station project that | | | | It took my friend Sara weeks to finally get the burned |
| jaded me. My eight year old decided to forego a | | | | smell out of her house. It took Phyllis months to get the |
| carefully crafted plan for his own "better idea." It was | | | | last of the rogue white rats back in their cage. Candi is |
| hours after I got home and began to make dinner only | | | | still looking for the odd item buried in the freezer that |
| to discover he had epoxied all the teaspoons into a cut | | | | resembles lizard arms or tails. |
| glass serving bowl of mine, favorite of course, for a | | | | For all of you with budding scientists I warn you of the |
| replica Death Star. I love creativity and George Lucas. I | | | | future. Save yourself! Perhaps you to can have a |
| believe it is still sitting up in his room on his desk. | | | | budding writer or musician. |
| My doctor told me the word "project" is what | | | | |