| 1. Women have learned and are in the habit of being | | | | and disregard what the kid or teen wants. Parents |
| driven by the approval of others. Most women allow | | | | with this belief tie their sense of purpose to their |
| the expectations of others to define them and | | | | children's results or who they become. This will steal |
| therefore making the approval of others is responsible | | | | your child's own sense of worth because he/she will |
| for their happiness. This pattern gives others' the | | | | only feel good about themselves when they meet |
| power to make and take your happiness at any time. | | | | your standards and expectations. And quite frankly this |
| Approval seeking steals your happiness and doesn't | | | | is not the unconditional love your child deserves. This is |
| allow you to ever get to know yourself, your wants, | | | | pushing your own agenda on your kids. Children, teens, |
| your desires, or your needs. A total disconnect. Thus | | | | and young adults need some (increasing as they age) |
| an up and down roller-coaster of emotions. Not a | | | | space to figure out what they want and what is |
| pleasant way to live. | | | | important to them! Discover your own identity and |
| 2. Women their achievements define their value. This | | | | allow your children to do the same. Anything else will |
| belief causes several problems. When you believe that | | | | push your children away emotionally as they grow up. |
| you are defined by your achievements, you are unable | | | | If you depend on your children's results (or your |
| to feel good about yourself or have strong | | | | perception of what these results "should" be) you will |
| self-esteem unless you are accomplishing or producing | | | | stay on the emotional roller-coaster! |
| which does not allow for down time, relaxation or free | | | | 4. Women believe that their husbands are supposed to |
| creativity. There is no room for you to just be... you. | | | | make them happy. Who of you thought when you got |
| You identify yourself as results. This way of living | | | | married (if you are married), or perhaps moved in with |
| allows for little or no joy, peace, or contentment | | | | a significant other, that, "this person will make me so |
| because you are always looking for the next way to | | | | happy"? Or if you have experienced a divorce or a |
| achieve. This is very different from healthy goal setting. | | | | break-up, you may have thought, "this person makes |
| Attaching your value to your achievements will ensure | | | | me so unhappy". I am simplifying a bit, but the principal |
| that you will not exit your emotional roller-coaster. | | | | is true. The problem with this thinking is that if we allow |
| 3. Women believe their children define them. Holding | | | | people to "make" us happy, then at any time that |
| this belief can be very damaging for the parent and | | | | person can "take" our happy. Only you are responsible |
| the child. When parents (unconsciously) hold the belief | | | | for your happiness. You must create or develop an |
| that their children define them or give them value, they | | | | inner knowing that you are completely loveable, |
| will act in a way that pressures kids to perform at a | | | | worthy, and valuable regardless of who is or isn't a |
| standard they cannot match up to. Or parents try to | | | | part of our life! |
| force kids to have goals that the parent thinks is best | | | | |